Who I am, who I am not, where I’ve been, and where I’m going.

As much as I’ve wanted to share my thoughts on the events of my life since I finished my freshman year in April, I haven’t been able to articulate very well (the proof is in the six unfinished entries mingling in my drafts). As my summer comes to a close, I’m headed back to Columbus on Sunday, I’m ready to openly reflect on these past few months because everything is settling and I can finally digest it all.

Who I am

I’ve been thinking about this question what feels like way too much since my senior year of high school. I tend to lose myself in my summers back in Chicago, but I’ve done enough discovery to revamp my artist statement which you can check out here. I’m forever changing and figuring myself out so for now, I’m just a young artist on a journey.

Who I am not

Before this summer, I was never formally employed. I was lucky enough to have hustled two very different jobs in the past months–one at a law firm in the Sears (Willis) Tower during the week and one slinging sandwiches at Jimmy Johns on the weekends. Somewhere in the mix of it all, I became a seven-day slave. No time to dance, minimal time for friends, and very minimal time for myself. It was this summer that I realized “money isn’t the motivation.” Money isn’t above me or my happiness. It was okay to dedicate my summer to money even though my jobs were far from my passion, they weren’t bad at all. At the same times. I feel as if I worked with people that ended up stuck here.

The last thing I want to be is stuck. The last thing I will be is stuck.

Photo taken by Gabriella Wiltz

Where I’ve been

The Island of Hispanola. Punta Cana, Dominican Republic to be exact. For those who don’t know, my mother was born in Port Au Prince, Haiti, the neighboring country on the island. Yes, Dominican and Haitian are two different cultures, but they have more in common with each other than my culture. American culture. Although I was dipping my toe in a new culture, I felt so in my element. So at home.

I’d love to live there in all honesty even if only for a little while. Not at a fancy resort, but really experiencing it all. But that’s another entry…

Where I’m going

Ah, I wish I knew. Some days I really know where I’m headed and my intentions… but most days I’m always just intimidated by the finality of it all. This summer freaked me out. Who am I? Still don’t know. What am I doing? Still don’t know. Where am I going? Really don’t know. It scares me, but when I get back to school I feel so… in the present. Working for the future but more importantly the now. A lot of this summer felt like getting ready for the future without actually making any moves towards it. I guess that’s necessary in life, but wait until I’m back in my element.

Just wait.

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