Feeling successful in Composition may be one of the most satisfying feelings I’ve felt this semester. I don’t measure success by the completion of an assignment, I instead feel most successful when I feel as if I’m making strides toward my personal goal as an artist and a person at this point: find my niche and become completely comfortable with myself and my work.
I was extremely nervous to perform my fast 5s due to lack of confidence in my study. During the creative process of the phrase I was hitting a roadblock and decided to base my movement on childhood games. I know there is no “right or wrong” when it comes to creating movement but when I watched everyone else’s studies I felt as if it wasn’t good enough or right. I remember the relief that rushed over me after I performed it for the first time and Susan Hadley said that she liked my theme. In that moment I realized that there was nothing wrong with being unapologetically me especially in this classroom setting. This was the study that gave me the confidence boost that pushed me to my second success.
Choosing music for the first music study was difficult because I didn’t know what I wanted but No Better Blues worked and felt like me. Composing the previous study to music was the first time I had the opportunity to fully embody myself in my work because of this new artistic freedom. This was the first study I didn’t stress about because it felt natural. When I performed the study in class I felt as if I was just dancing, listening, and telling a cynical story. It was such a satisfying feeling to show everyone, but it wasn’t as satisfying as hearing my classmates’ initial responses and the comments they gave. Hearing things like “that was so you” as well as using words that I’d use to describe myself like “laid-back,” “cool,” and “sarcastic” really warmed my soul because I didn’t try to portray those things, they just happened.
My two successes this semester brought more clarity to this confusing journey of the self most 20 year olds are on. These successes are more about the inside than the studies or the work itself. They may not have been my best movement, but they helped uncover more of who I am which I think is a true success.