As my days in Chicago dwindle down and I prepare to head back to Columbus, there is one thing that has found a way to remain prevalent in my mind my entire four week vacation back home: time.
Being in Chicago has come with a side of nostalgia since my first break home for Thanksgiving last fall. Home always reminds of who I was before my personal “growth spurt” away at school. It’s normal for me to be in the Windy City and feel a little bittersweet about these two versions of myself, but this break is different and I think a lot of that is because of my age.
Warning: this may sound very cliche.
Going through my teens, I never really felt any older. Of course 13 didn’t feel like 16 but for some reason turning another year older just felt like something that happened so my parents could leave me be more and more. 18 felt like 19, yes, but 19 felt nothing like 20 feels and I’ve only been 20 for about three months. I feel crazy because I’m constantly gagging when I find out things like I’ve been listening to the same Celine Dion Christmas CD for 16 years or that cousins I remember being born are in fact seven years old. Every day feels like one big flashback, whenever I’m out with my friends I say “tbt to…” at least three times. I almost think I shouldn’t have that many throwbacks to throwback to! 20 isn’t that old, but at the same time it almost is.
“Your twenties are your selfish years…” and I think that mindset has to kick in at 20. These are the years of our lives where we should do the most self-reflection and self-discovery. I was fumbling through random twitter accounts last night when I came across a tweet that managed to perfectly word the way I feel about being 20 and this growing, burning sense of self I’ve developed within the past year, particularly these past few months- “I am my own muse. The subject I know best, the subject I want to get to know more.” That is my goal as an artist today. It’s all about me getting to know every facet of me, and that is totally okay.
2014 was all about introspection and Gabriella as an individual. As I continue to inch into 2015 I can note that that journey will continue, but this is the break-out year. I am breaking out of my comfort zone, diving into myself and my art, as well as branching out into the world. I feel like a tree, my roots are stronger and will continue to spread but it’s time to start budding.
So although getting old is starting to scare me to death, cheers to 20 and cheers to time!